Walking the extra mile in daddy’s shoes

There are those sons dying to get as far away from their fathers as possible, but some are so inspired by their old men that they not only maintain close bonds with them but also join the same trade as them.
CONFESSIONS256 talks to some of the men who have excelled where their fathers have impressed, while some have even surpassed their fathers’ achievements.
As much as it has its perks, having a father who is already established and respected in your field of work can be a problem and a cause of frustration for some men, especially if there is a feeling that you are not as impressive as your old man. Yet for some men, it carves out a path for immense career excellence.
Putting on the shoes of your father and proving that you can walk in them can be a daunting task for some men but not for Elison Karuhanga. The oil and gas lawyer is the son of Elly Karuhanga, a distinguished lawyer and entrepreneur.
Although they are in related fields, Elison says that he has never relied on his father’s name to get ahead in life. Even when he could have chosen to relax and work in his father’s law firm, Elison worked to obtain a Chevening scholarship from the British High Commission and studied Oil and Gas Law in Aberdeen, Scotland.
He also did a secondment at the international law firm, Ashurst, for a three-month period. In that time, he worked in the busy Energy, Transport and Infrastructure (ETI) section.
Having such connections so early in his career ensured that he did not have to run back to daddy for financial and career help. He has worked in the Attorney General’s chambers, Dfcu bank and many other organisations. Today, he is one of the few trained oil and gas lawyers in Uganda and also has his own law firm.
“I thought I would be developed better professionally if I worked elsewhere rather than with my father. I thought I would be better positioned as a worker, better exposed and better experienced as a worker if I worked elsewhere,” Elison says.
However, he cannot rubbish off his father’s contribution to his career development.
“I have someone to look up to and discuss with. And he has experience; so, I can consult with him on many issues,” Elison says, adding: “sometimes people may judge you because of who your father is but you just let your work speak for itself. It is a great thing to be thriving as a lawyer and walk in the footsteps of my father.”
NO PRESSURE FROM DADDY
Interestingly, most of such sons say that they were not pressured by their fathers or families. Their decisions were of their own making.
“I made the decision to become a lawyer myself. My father could never make me do something I did not already want to do. My decision was out of admiration for my father’s work and I grew up wanting to become a lawyer,” says Elison.

Dr Busingye Kabumba
Some argue that a child can take up his father’s profession after growing up because that is what they have grown up seeing. Dr Kabumba Busingye, a law professor at Makerere University, says that his was a case of unconscious socialization after growing up in a lecturer’s home. Busingye is the son of Professor Ijuka Kabumba, the former managing director of National Insurance Corporation (NIC).
“There are certain aspects of socialization in the decisions many children make. I grew up surrounded by books; so, I loved to read. My father used to mark students’ scripts; so, I grew up knowing that was the normal way of life. No one sat me down and told me you have to go into education. It was something I knew I had to do,” says Busingye.
OUT OF DADDY’S GIGANTIC SHADOW
Elvis Sekyanzi, a thriving businessman, is an example of men who have struggled to get out of their father’s shadow. The son of business mogul Gordon Wavamunno, Sekyanzi held various top managerial positions in almost all his father’s businesses.

Silk Events’ Elvis Sekyanzi has come a long way out of his billionaire father’s shadow

Despite having his father’s wealth base to fall back on, Sekyanzi went on further to qualify as an engineer from the London College of Electronics. Today, he owns Silk Events and is a shareholder in Club Silk. He has successfully managed to shed off the ‘Wavamunno’s son’ tag on his name.
Busingye says it is not a matter of stepping out of your father’s shadow but, rather, a continuation of a legacy. He only worked to live up to a name that already exists.
He, therefore, adds that he was not bothered by the fact that he was going into a field in which his father had already established a name. He, rather, focused on his values to get to where he is today.
“It was not a question of career as much as it was a contribution to society. It is the values about earning money honestly and contributing to society. What was emphasized in my family was the dignity of labour,” he says.

Walking the extra mile in daddy’s shoes

There are those sons dying to get as far away from their fathers as possible, but some are so inspired by their old men that they not only maintain close bonds with them but also join the same trade as them.

CONFESSIONS256 talks to some of the men who have excelled where their fathers have impressed, while some have even surpassed their fathers’ achievements.
As much as it has its perks, having a father who is already established and respected in your field of work can be a problem and a cause of frustration for some men, especially if there is a feeling that you are not as impressive as your old man. Yet for some men, it carves out a path for immense career excellence.
Putting on the shoes of your father and proving that you can walk in them can be a daunting task for some men but not for Elison Karuhanga. The oil and gas lawyer is the son of Elly Karuhanga, a distinguished lawyer and entrepreneur.
Although they are in related fields, Elison says that he has never relied on his father’s name to get ahead in life. Even when he could have chosen to relax and work in his father’s law firm, Elison worked to obtain a Chevening scholarship from the British High Commission and studied Oil and Gas Law in Aberdeen, Scotland.
He also did a secondment at the international law firm, Ashurst, for a three-month period. In that time, he worked in the busy Energy, Transport and Infrastructure (ETI) section.
Having such connections so early in his career ensured that he did not have to run back to daddy for financial and career help. He has worked in the Attorney General’s chambers, Dfcu bank and many other organisations. Today, he is one of the few trained oil and gas lawyers in Uganda and also has his own law firm.
“I thought I would be developed better professionally if I worked elsewhere rather than with my father. I thought I would be better positioned as a worker, better exposed and better experienced as a worker if I worked elsewhere,” Elison says.
However, he cannot rubbish off his father’s contribution to his career development.
“I have someone to look up to and discuss with. And he has experience; so, I can consult with him on many issues,” Elison says, adding: “sometimes people may judge you because of who your father is but you just let your work speak for itself. It is a great thing to be thriving as a lawyer and walk in the footsteps of my father.”
NO PRESSURE FROM DADDY
Interestingly, most of such sons say that they were not pressured by their fathers or families. Their decisions were of their own making.
“I made the decision to become a lawyer myself. My father could never make me do something I did not already want to do. My decision was out of admiration for my father’s work and I grew up wanting to become a lawyer,” says Elison.
Some argue that a child can take up his father’s profession after growing up because that is what they have grown up seeing. Dr Kabumba Busingye, a law professor at Makerere University, says that his was a case of unconscious socialization after growing up in a lecturer’s home. Busingye is the son of Professor Ijuka Kabumba, the former managing director of National Insurance Corporation (NIC).
“There are certain aspects of socialization in the decisions many children make. I grew up surrounded by books; so, I loved to read. My father used to mark students’ scripts; so, I grew up knowing that was the normal way of life. No one sat me down and told me you have to go into education. It was something I knew I had to do,” says Busingye.
OUT OF DADDY’S GIGANTIC SHADOW
Elvis Sekyanzi, a thriving businessman, is an example of men who have struggled to get out of their father’s shadow. The son of business mogul Gordon Wavamunno, Sekyanzi held various top managerial positions in almost all his father’s businesses.
Despite having his father’s wealth base to fall back on, Sekyanzi went on further to qualify as an engineer from the London College of Electronics. Today, he owns Silk Events and is a shareholder in Club Silk. He has successfully managed to shed off the ‘Wavamunno’s son’ tag on his name.
Busingye says it is not a matter of stepping out of your father’s shadow but, rather, a continuation of a legacy. He only worked to live up to a name that already exists.
He, therefore, adds that he was not bothered by the fact that he was going into a field in which his father had already established a name. He, rather, focused on his values to get to where he is today.
“It was not a question of career as much as it was a contribution to society. It is the values about earning money honestly and contributing to society. What was emphasized in my family was the dignity of labour,” he says.

 

Are men simply kind to women, or are they patient investors?

It could be cash or airtime that she wants. It could be another favour, such as running an errand.

Why is it that many men find it difficult to refuse to help their female friends – sometimes even at the expense of their own relatives? JANE JUSTINE MIREMBE went in such of answers.

When Andrew received a call from his ex-girlfriend, he was quick to pick. It had been long; he couldn’t wait to hear her ‘sweet voice’ once again.

However, on the other side of the phone was a teary voice. His ex had had a fight with her boyfriend, who consequently kicked her out of his house. In a fix, she, therefore, decided to call Andrew, asking him to rescue her so she can get money to rent a house.

This put the father of two children in a tight position; Andrew’s elder daughter had been sent back home for school fees. Like a responsible father, he had spent a week working tooth and nail to get the money so his little girl could go back to school.

And as soon as he got it, he called his wife to prepare the girl to go back the following day. But that is when the call came in from his ex. And like many men would do, he chose to send all his daughter’s fees to his ex.

So, while his ex was happy and sorted, it was a different case for his family. One can only imagine what lie he made up to explain to his wife and daughter as to why the latter wouldn’t go back to school as promised.

Andrew’s story is not much different from that of Ronald Ssempima (not real name), who until this day wonders how he was convinced to do Christmas shopping (food and clothes) for a female friend’s grandmother while his own mother was lay helpless in hospital.

“She asked me to escort her to go shop, but after selecting the things, she insisted I pay the bill. I, of course, paid like a gentleman would,” Ssempima recalls, shaking his head.

She then requested that he drives her to their village, which isn’t far away from Kampala, to deliver the items – to which Ssempima obliged. Surprisingly, Ssempima had never visited his mum who had been admitted for over two weeks, claiming he was too busy. While Ssempima calls this ‘innocent chivalry’ on his part, Esther Asiimwe, a mother of three, argues that men have ulterior motives for helping the ‘fairer sex’, even though they may not say it.

Asiimwe admits to constantly getting cross when her husband gives lifts to women by the roadside while he doesn’t even cast a second glance at men.
“It is so annoying. I have observed him; he has never given a lift to a man unless he is friend, but he helps women we don’t even know.  Though, I have never confronted him, I wonder what his motive is,” she says.

However, 36-year-old Arnold Turyatunga defends men, saying they are by nature called to help women. He, instead, faults women for knowing how to coax their male friends into assisting them.

“Women know how to make themselves look so vulnerable and play into men’s emotions. Naturally, men want to be seen as providers and protectors. So, if a chance comes to prove that to a female friend, then they will gladly take it up,” he says.

Felix Bwanika, an actor, reasons that such men are simply driven by lust.

“How can you take care of some other woman when your children are starving? All they think about is going into women’s pants,” he asserts. “Those who argue that it is innocent help lie – because those same guys will never choose a male friend over family. It is only when it comes to women.

When you let your loins make decisions for you, then you are in serious trouble.”

In agreement, Prima Mirembe says that there is no way men can help a woman and expect nothing in return. She even calls them ‘secretly-promiscuous people’.

“Men who do that are silent malayas. And men are very patient people. They will wait for you to get weak and then strike,” she says.

Mirembe adds that such men are the kind who will concede to being in the friend zone because they hope to reap something more out of it.

“Men who like to sit in the friend zone are very clever chaps – because they know they will get a woman in her weak state. And women will always have weak moments,” she argues.

“So, when they are down, they think of calling up that one male friend who ‘has been there for them all this while’ and, of course, he will be ready because it is something he has been waiting for for a long time.”

INVESTMENT THEORY

Indeed, Dr Joshua Tugumisirize, a senior physiology lecturer at Islamic University in Uganda (IUIU), Kibuli, explains that men view this help as an investment for a possible future sexual encounter. He further boils it down to biological desire by men to sow their seed in different women.

“Even if a man is married, he will help out a female friend because he knows that when she returns that favour, they can make babies, and he certainly can look after them like he has showed her before,” says Tugumisirize, who is also a psychiatrist. “It doesn’t matter if she is also married. There is a possibility of a sexual encounter and he will pursue it. He may struggle not to do it, but the attraction is there.”

He further says that chances of men helping women and expecting nothing in return are extremely slim, close to nonexistent – because altruism isn’t a common character in humans.

“Human relationships aren’t one-way. They are shared. Even biologically, a male invests in a female so that they can produce a new generation. It is instinctual and a biological drive,” he explains.

“Why would you give your resources to people? What are you hoping to gain in return? It is like when people help the poor or vulnerable, they are trying to please God so they can get blessings. They believe that when you do good, you receive favour from God. Others, especially public figures, do it to get good publicity.”

PSYCHOLOGY OF EMOTIONS

Tugumisirize further warns that just like in Andrew’s case, former lovers remain significant in people’s lives.

“The depth of feeling people have for exes is very deep. If you allow somebody to see your nakedness and do intimate things to you on a regular basis, your brain stores those moments, and it is very had to rub them out of your system,” he notes. “The ex’s voice and tears must have reached down Andrew’s core, stopping all reasoning that all he thought about was helping her.”

He says that it is not like men forget their families or responsibilities, but it is rather a case of changed priorities.

“Once you have a history or a desire to sleep with someone in the future, you will always find yourself coming to their rescue. It is not that you forget about other people like your family, but it is a matter of prioritizing. At that moment, she comes first. The world may not agree with it, but to you, that is all that matters,” he says.

Dr Tugumisirize advises that we shouldn’t be hard on men because even female friendships aren’t as strong as friendship between a male and female.

“Even when a girl is friends with another girl, it is a different kind of friendship because of biology. It is not out of choice. It is just in your subconscious that the opposite sex requires different attention. A woman to a man is not just a person, it’s a potential mate,” he says.

He relates this with the functional magnetic resonance Imaging (fMRI) method of tracking brain activity in psychology. Through fMRI, psychologists have been able to understand men’s perceptions of women.

“If you show a man a picture of a woman, parts that signify sexual arousal and attraction will light up in his brain. But when you show him a man, they won’t. It doesn’t matter if he knows that she is married or he is married,” he explains. “This means that desire for sex will always be in his subconscious. Even the decision making lights function differently when they see a woman,” he explains.

DEALING WITH IT

Tugumisirize advises women to be confident, even when they realize that their partners are over-generous to other women. Communication is important; so, they should tell their men how they feel.

“When Real Madrid spotted Christiano Ronaldo, they made a big offer to him in 2009. It didn’t matter that Manchester United, the team he was playing for at the time, needed him more. They moved in and made an offer,” he says.

“So, if you want a man, just make him a big offer. Tell him that you will give him beautiful children; you are a good cook who can sing. When you feel threatened or get jealous about his actions with another female, let him know that you are not comfortable with it, but also be the best friend he can ever want – because by nature, men are hunters.”